It's That Sinking Feeling, You Know What's Comming

I've always been a very open person, if I really wanted to know something I'd rather ask the person directly or just go without knowing. Pertaining to my relationships with girls it's been much the same. Let her tell me directly or figure it out for myself. With that mentalitly I've obviously never spoken with my sisters much about relationships. My dad is about as confused as I am about anything, and he's been married for well over 30 years now (scary isn't it.) Most of my friends that talk with my about their relationships have never really had a "relationship" so they tend to be of little help.

Currently my only true confidant has done all he can for now and I need to reach out to other sources in order to get a clearer view. I might be reaching back to an old friend that knows me better than many people possibly ever will. It will be nice to get back a trust that's slowly been slipping away.

The Last Kiss Was the First Kiss Goodbye

Giggles is in a bit of a perdicament, he's interested in Christmas and she's interested in him. However, Giggles isn't ready for an exclusive relationship with Christmas yet . . . and they've already kissed.

We've all decided that Christmas' roommates will want Giggles' head on a platter so that they can rip his tongue out for their anatomy class, yet he's hopefull that he can still be close to Christmas. But is it possible?

I use to think it was possible to love and lose, but still be close . . . I'm beginning to wonder about it. My friendship with Blue was a good one, we enjoyed each other's company and pretty well openly talked whenever something happened. Note that I said WAS.

Honestly for a long time I'd maintained a hope of the returning of Us. As I talked with others and looked at where Blue and I stood I came to the realization that Us had lost all posibility of coming to be. About a week or two later Blue pulled me aside and confirmed my assumption. Up untill that point I'd have said that we where very close friends--if not at times best friends. Since then I haven't heard from her, or even heard much about her.

Possibly much of that is my fault, very few attempts have been made on my part to contact her and maybe I should do more. Or is it simply because the whole relationship changed as soon as we both came to realize and openly accept that Us was over?

Suppose I'll have to find out . . . I'm far too much of a curious type to just sit back and watch ;)

As for Giggles and Christmas. When he kissed her, he ment it. Hopefully she'll realize that and be willing to forgive and still love.

Reality's Bitten

Girls always cry for those movies. Boy and Girl have been together since their youth. Boy loves Girl, but won't acknowledge it to the girl. Girl finds another boy and they get engaged. (Now this is where the story will vary from story to story.) Girl takes time to tell Boy personally that she's getting married, possibly in hopes that it will jar Boy enough to kick into action. Girl drops the new boy for the old Boy. Or, at Girls wedding the man announces "If any of you see any reason as to why these two should not be wed . . . " Boy breaks into the chaple and yells out "I love you!" or something along such dramatic lines. Either way they all live happily ever after . . . except for the guy that was first engaged to her, but he was a jerk anyways and nobody can really understand why they got engaged in the first place except that Girl was leading him on in hopes that Boy would stop being such an idiot.

Too bad I'm living in reality. Blue and I have been together for a while now, even though we ended our dating relationship over a year ago. For some reason we keep comming back to each other, but then she pushes and we fall even further away than we had been.

I would hope that if she ever does become engaged to another man that she would feel the need to tell me personally. However, that also causes problems because life imitates art which means the question that is always asked to kick Boy into action will come up, "Are you OK with this?" I'll be honest, Blue and I have never had a real fight with each other (hardly even a fake one for that matter,) but I don't know how I'd be able to tell her that "No, I'm not OK . . . it hurts."

Assuming that we actually get past that stage there is the last and possibly the most painful of all. That point in the wedding, Boy comes rushing in to save Girl from a horrible fate, a fate without him. Sure, I'd love to come racing in and save her, except for a number of problems. Frist of, I'm already in the audience (this makes it difficult for a dramamtic entrance if I've already entered.) Second, Blue was the one that left me, she doesn't really want to be saved. Lastly, the guy that she ends up with, I'm sure, will not be a jerk, and in fact I'd probably really like him if it wasn't for that fact that he was marrying Blue.

No, he would announce that this was my last opportunity to proclaim my love to Blue and then I'd have to sit and bear it. As he stops for a moment to make sure that I really don't want to be dramatic I feel people slightly turn to look at me. Even Blue sneaks a little of a peak, not knowing what to expect from me. Unfortunatly the only thing they'd be able to see are the tears welling up in my eyes.

Over the past little while I've been thinking about Blue and myself and any kind of a relationship that we have. I've come to realize that maybe I can forget about her, and maybe I'll have to. But until that time comes I'll keep holding on and working at my end to make things work out, and working on my end to find someone new.